


This Pain Is Just Too Real

by Snowflakexxbabii



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, My Immortal
Genre: F/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-11
Updated: 2012-12-11
Packaged: 2017-11-20 21:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/589593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowflakexxbabii/pseuds/Snowflakexxbabii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever heard of quote on quote "the worst fan fiction ever", "My Immortal"? You know, the one that caused people to lose brain cells and was just so laughably awful? Well ladies and gentlemen, here is a parody of said fan fic. It all starts when Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way wants to go to the Green Day concert in London with Draco Malfoy, and all goes downhill from there. Or uphill, nobody really knows. With the help of a love potion, miracles can happen and seemingly normal wizards can turn into goths.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Pain Is Just Too Real

“Hey bitch! Wake up!”  


Without even opening my eyes, I could feel the morning light seeping through the cracks of my coffin. The sun’s rays touched my pale skin in a way that made me cringe. “Fuck.” I mumbled, staring at the lacy, hot pink velvet lining of the pine box before shoving the lid off. I stepped out apathetically and saw Willow, my best friend, already dressed for the day and applying her make-up. I stretched sleepily, which wasn’t very effective because of my black, leather pajamas. I was used to it though, so I simply continued with my daily routine, preparing for another miserable day at Hogwarts, a wizarding school with _way_ too many preps. “Move over, bitch.” I grumbled to Willow, elbowing her a bit in hopes of making some room at the mirror. I examined my long, ebony-colored hair, not sure what to do with it nor was I sure of what outfit I felt like wearing.  


My name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way. I’m regrettably in my seventh year at Hogwarts, but I’m not just a witch. I’m also part vampire. How is that possible you ask? I’m not exactly sure, and I’m pretty sure that my parents didn’t think it was possible either. Yet here I am. My parents named me Ebony because of my dark black hair (Well, it has purple streaks and red tips in it now, but I wasn’t born that way.), which really brings out the color in my icy blue eyes. I also suspect that they somehow knew I was going to turn out to be a goth, just like them.  


I turned away from the mirror and scrounged around for something to wear. Eventually, I selected an outfit made up of a lacy black corset, a black leather miniskirt, black combat boots and pink fishnets. I bumped shoulders with Willow, who was still in the process of doing her make-up as I started mine. I began by powdering my face with chalk-white foundation. Once I looked as pale as a pile of snow, I set to work on my eyes, which I covered in red eyeshadow and thick trails of black eyeliner. I noticed Willow was wearing a new shade of lipstick. “Hey, what color is that?”  


“Oh this?” She asked, holding the little tube out. “It’s ‘Volcano Ash Black’.”  


“Sounds kawaii. Can I borrow some?”  


“Whatever.” She replied, handing me the lipstick. I smeared it onto my lips, careful to avoid getting it anywhere else.  


“So, did you hear about that Green Day concert in London?” Willow asked, examining her own reflection and smoothing her long, flowing, pink-streaked black hair. I couldn’t help but admire her. She was gorgeous.  


“Oh my Satan, yes!” My gothic friends and I say ‘oh my Satan’ instead of ‘oh my God’ because we’re all Satanists, meaning we worship Satan. “And Good Charlotte is gonna be there too! Joel Madden is so fucking sexy!”  


“Fuck yeah! We need tickets.”  


“And dates.” I added.  


“Who did you have in mind?” Willow’s voice sounded monotone, but I could tell that she was curious.  


I bit my charcoal-colored lip. “Draco Malfoy?”  


Willow’s forest green eyes grew wide as she turned to me, shocked. “What?”  


“Well he’s not exactly a prep.” A small smile played across my features as I thought about the blonde Slytherin. “And he’s rich, and he’s in our house, and he’s fucking hot and I’ve had a crush on him for a long time.”  


“I guess. But he’s also a sixth-year. And besides, there’s no way that he would ask you to the concert. I bet he doesn’t even know who the fuck Green Day is. He probably doesn’t listen to goth muggle music like we do.”  


Suddenly, I got an idea. “I’m sure I could fix that.” I cackled. All I’d need to do was pay a visit to Professor Trevolry.

x.x.x.x

After eating a bowl of cereal and blood for breakfast, I skipped my first class and went back to the Slytherin part of the castle, making my way to Professor Trevolry’s room. Professor Trevolry had filled in for Professor Trelawney, the Divination teacher, during her short absence. But now that Trelawney was back, Professor Trevolry had been made a dorm advisor for the Slytherin house. I wish she were still teaching Divination though, because I didn’t like Professor Trelawney. She was a fucking prep and didn’t like me because I was goth and I scared her. I knocked on Professor Trevolry’s door, which was painted black. After a few moments, she answered. “Konichiwa Ebony.” She said, waving for me to enter.  


I followed her in, and she shut the door behind us. I was already familiar with my surroundings, so my attention was immediately drawn to Professor Trevolry’s outfit. The reason that she was my favorite teacher was because she was a goth too, therefore she was the only teacher that could ever understand me. She was wearing a long, black dress with frayed edges and whatnot, with pointy black boots. “Hi. I like your dress. Did you get it in Japan?” I asked. After all, she was half Japanese.  


“No.” She replied. “Not this time. So what’s up? Did you come to watch some more MCR concerts in my crystal ball?” Professor Trevolry had used her magic crystal ball to introduce me to a gothic rock band called My Chemical Romance that would be formed in 2001. They were so fucking amazing; it depressed me that nobody else knew who they were though because it was only the year 1997. Not to mention that meant they had no available merchandise yet, and they were my favorite band so I wanted nothing more than to wear clothes that had Gerard Way’s face on them.  


“Not this time.” I replied, wittily feeding her own line back to her. “I was actually wondering if you had any love potion.”  


“Who do you love?” She asked slyly.  


“Draco Malfoy. I want him to take me to the Green Day concert next month.”  


“Oh I hear Good Charlotte is going to be there too. Sounds like a kickass show.”  


“Fuck yeah! I’m gonna mosh so much.” I smiled slightly, throwing a rock-on symbol into the air. I was getting excited just thinking about it.  


“Alright, well I’ll hook you up with some love potion then. You’re just going to slip it to him?”  


“That’s the plan.” I nodded.  


“Alright.” Professor Trevolry crossed the room to a cabinet, which she opened and began to rummage through. Finally, she pulled out a small vial and handed it to me. “This should be good enough for now. Just come back if you find that you need more.”  


“Arigato bitch.” I thanked her graciously before scampering off to find Draco and make him fall in love with me.

x.x.x.x

At lunch, I made a point to seek Draco out at the Slytherin table. We had never talked much in the six years he had been at Hogwarts, but I knew that he would be perfect for me because of his blatant disregard for preps and the entire Gryffindor house. He knew that he was superior to them, and I loved that he had that attitude. I spotted him sitting across from a group of Slytherin sixth-years with Crabbe and Goyle on either side of him. Trying to appear flirtatious, I gave my best sexy walk as I headed toward him. “Hi Draco.” I let the words roll off my tongue with ease as I met his grey eyes. Oh how gorgeous they would look with red contacts, I thought.  


“And you are?” He asked, eyeing me coldly. Was that a look of disgust on his face?  


“Ebony. I’m in your house, a _seventh-year_.” I put emphasis on my grade level. I was giving him the chance to date an older woman.  


“Well I never would’ve guessed, seeing as you’re dressed like that instead of a uniform.” He scoffed.  


“Fuck uniforms.” I replied, flipping my hair casually and continuing to eye him flirtatiously.  


“Uh-huh. Well anyways, I was in the middle of a conversation and I’d like to get back to it.” He turned away from me sharply and resumed talking to the others.  


I smirked. It was time. I feigned clumsiness and tripped with the love potion in hand, making sure to get a few drops on Draco’s food without him noticing as I fell into his lap. “Oh my Satan, I am so sorry.” I blushed, gazing up at him.  


“You freak! Get off me!” He shouted, shoving me to the ground. I couldn’t help but grin as I lay on the floor. The whole group was staring now, so I got up and dusted myself off as if nothing had happened.  


“I said I was sorry, so fuck you. But hey, that sandwich on your plate looks really good. Can I have a bite?”  


The blonde looked at me like I was possessed or something, which would actually be kind of cool in my opinion. “No? Get away from me.” Draco hissed, bringing the morsel in question to his lips for a bite.  


“Fine.” I answered, pretending to look pissed as Hell as I stalked off. However, I didn’t go far and I glanced back to see if Draco had eaten any of his sandwich yet, because the moment that he did…  


“Hey Ebony! Wait up!” He nearly jumped from the table and darted after me, even though I was only about four feet away from him.  


I twirled around, meeting his gaze. “Yes Draco?”  


“I think… I’ve just realized… I’m in love with you. I can’t stop thinking about you.”  


A very non-gothic grin spread across my face. “Why Draco, I feel the exact same way.”


End file.
